dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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