What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
