My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
