how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
