i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
