She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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