Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
