Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize