her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
