My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
