Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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