Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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