My cat gives me a boner
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
