i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
