The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
