i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
