i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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