it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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