My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
