Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You took a bar mat shot.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
