i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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