No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
