My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
