Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You did what with his pubic hair?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
