some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
