Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
