Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
