I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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