Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize