She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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