Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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