Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
