im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
