oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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