thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's the barista slut.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
