I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
