So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
