Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
