I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
its not stalking. its research.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
