my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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