Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
sex in a hospital.. check
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
