Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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