Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
