My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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