So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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