Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
