mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
