im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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