i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
