The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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