I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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