I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
did i walk over a car last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
