I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
