Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
