I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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