i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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