Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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