I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
