I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
sarcasm needs its own font
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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