i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
40s are totally the cure
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
