i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
