So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it's like heaven, but drunker
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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