My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
