so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
