im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
