I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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