I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
