How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Found the puke drawer
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
