girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
