Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"

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(407): View more from Florida

Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.

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(586): View more from Michigan

conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.

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(972): View more from Texas

Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.

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(847): View more from Illinois

This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.

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(716): View more from New York

You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek

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(409): View more from Texas

We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans

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(360): View more from Washington

He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.

(503): View more from Oregon

Now THAT is dedication!

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