Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize