I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
